Saturday, December 30, 2006

Biography of a fat boy

It has been about a week and a half since this boy has returned home for his winter vacations. And in this time he has been one of the most physically active persons in this world. His schedule for a typical day has been…. Wake up at about 10:30 am. followed by breakfast (WoW!!! Eating Time) at about 11:30 am. Then he does some miscellaneous stuff on the computer (Yeah!! That’s a real workout) for 2-3 hours. This is followed by lunch (Wah Wah Khana!!) and again spending time with the computer (mainly listening to songs). Finally dinner (Food!!) at about 9 and late in the night he downloads a few things till about 1 am. The only little deviation is when he performs driving duties for his mom and takes her to the market or to any other place. Now that’s about all the physical activity that he performs. All this hard labor leads to some kind of growth in that boy. Now there are two types of growth that can take place in a person. And each of them can be analyzed in two different ways (depending on the frame of reference).

The first type of growth is growing taller. Now as told earlier, there are two ways in which you can analyze this. The first can be done by following these steps….
1. At any time look up… What do you see? The blue sky, birds flying and the sun gleaming?? Now if this is the case then your observation will not be correct. You need to step inside your house. Now look up… You see the ceiling? Ya good.
2. Now after some time when you are at your home (and you are standing in the same place as you were before) look up again. You will again see the ceiling… only this time it might appear closer. If that is the case... you have grown taller.
So you take yourself as the frame of reference and only realize that the ceiling is coming down, which is actually an incorrect conclusion.

The other way is to change the frame of reference to anything else (stationary and passive). Now from that frame of reference (which could be a measuring tape) when you see yourself at two different points of time you realize that you have grown taller. Thus this leads to the correct conclusion.

Now the next type of growth is obviously in the other direction. So again in this case depending on the frame of reference you are either blowing up… or everything else is coming nearer to you.

Now in this case obviously the growth in the boy is of the latter type. Now that is definitely not good. Not healthy at all. You need to work out… you need to exercise. Oh! But why? You don’t exercise if the waist of your trouser shrinks… it’s the trousers’ problem. So every day he sits in his car (on the driver’s seat) and realizes that the steering wheel is coming closer to him. Now how do you make him understand that he is growing fat! You simply can’t. Have a peak into his dictionary….

fat: adjective (comparative fat•ter, superlative fat•test) having a bodyweight greater than yours; having more flabby tissue than what you have;

Now that is the problem… if that is how you will define fat, you will never be fat, forget fatter or fattest!! You can not have a bodyweight greater than yourself! Ab use yeh kaun samjhaye?

Now every time anyone calls him fat… he checks out his dictionary and realizes that others are joking. And this leads to complacency. And so he just goes around eating ‘this and that’ cause now he has a new reason for eating apart from the fact that he loves eating. And the reason is that he is not fat!!

And this complacency leads to excessive eating. One of the recent example could be his dinner at Nirula’s Chandigarh on 16th of this month…. The display outside the restaurant really got him into his groove… Unlimited Non Veg Buffet Dinner!! Wow! He promptly went inside, paid for his meal and started his dinner. They ran out of Chicken (the only non veg dish) and he made them cook another one. He ended up having 20 pieces of chicken. Furthermore Nirula’s had run out of Gulab Jamun (which was the desert after the buffet) so he was given an ice-cream instead. Even after the enormous meal, the fat-boy felt just right. When someone comments on his diet, the answer is pretty straightforward. I quote “There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who eat for leaving and those who live for eating. I am of the latter kind.” Your really can’t deny that. This fat boy certainly lives for eating.

As time goes on these ‘enormous meals’ become more frequent. As the frequency increases the beautiful body shape turns evil. For females he may be consider 36-24-36 as ideal, but what about himself? 44-36-##. That should go down… But he thinks otherwise. “I cannot slim down. Not in this life.”

One of the ways to get him to slim down could be by making him following this:
My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like—just don't swallow it.

Harry Secombe Welsh singer, actor, and comedian.
The Daily Herald (London) (October 5, 1962).

Ah! If only that would be possible!! If only his fetish of food would magically turn into fetish of a slim look. Hopefully the New Year will bring some changes in the fat boy’s mindset. Who knows? Some nice games of football might do the trick. But till then he won’t lose a pebble!!

Now why is this post a biography, and not an autobiography?… Kyuki main koi mota thode hi hoon!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Sweating at seventeen degree celsius

You know, it is difficult to remain consistently unpunctual. But I have managed to be one. I guess thins time I am not allowed to put any excuses. So let’s start of with what I have been doing in the past month. Since my last post there has been nothing worth sharing apart from the fact that I have started growing a long moustache. Now it is pretty long and it I look really funny when I curl it from the sides (like the surds in Chandigarh do). I post a photo if I could catch hold of a camera…

Most of my time was taken up by the semester exams. Unlike last year we had our practical exams first and it was followed by the semester exams. This was bad because of 2 reasons. Firstly that it is easier to go for the practicals once you have done the entire theory for the examination. Secondly the semester exams papers are shown to us within one week of the last sem paper. Now if the practicals are held after the semester papers, then it makes more sense to wait for the papers to be shown. This time we had to stay for a week just to see our paper. And I guess I was the unluckiest. My exams ended on the 14th, and the same day we were shown the papers of two subjects. And three of the remaining teachers promised to show their respective papers on the 20th. Now it is not practical to return to Delhi and then come back after three days. So I decided to stay on. Now most of my friends had a nice past time... Movies. Few of my friends are movie watching machines.. They can keep watching movies (esp. English) on and on without getting bored, tired or even sleepy. I remember few months ago I had spend my weekend at home. My PC was in my hostel and my friends had kept my keys with them as they wanted to work on the computer. On Friday 10:30AM I took a train to Delhi (Janshatabdi Express) and I returned on Sunday evening. When I reached my room, my friends were watching a movie. The fact that left me spellbound was that this was their 19th movie. So in the last 3 days (They did not even get full 3 days) these people had watched about 19 movies... On calculating the time ... 19x2hrs 15 mins avg.... approx 42 hours of movies..... in about 60 hours. A whopping 70% of the time consumed watching movies... 30% devoted to the natures call, food and other necessities. Surely they did not sleep at all. The very thought of being passive for such a long time makes me nausea tic.

All right so they watched movies. I did not give them my computer this time. Since I do not watch many movies, I needed something else to do... I continued learning more about web designing. And at the same time I kept playing DotA. Yes I have finally started playing DotA on LAN as the only person apart from me who loves playing Warcraft has purchased a Notebook (MacBook) for himself, and we have started playing against each other. And because both of us have been very competitive, we have had a lovely time. As the time passed 19th evening arrived... and I heard news that left me broken. 20th was declared a holiday due to some election in Chandigarh. Exams of other departments were postponed and the University would remain closed on 20th. The teachers had informed the students at the last moment that the papers will be shown on 21st instead of 20th. But I can't wait that long. I have my confirmed train ticket for 20th evening and I was not going to wait any longer. So I did not wait for the remaining papers and I returned on the 20th. Now I will have to go on the 1st or 2nd of Jan to see the remaining 4 papers. Could I have been be unluckier (if that is a word in English). It feels good to be back home and meet some of my old school friends. Yesterday evening I spent some time with the ever-helpful Karan who again brought some important things for me from US. While I was with Karan, Rungta and Varenya also made a short visit. Rungta briefed me a little about Ajax, and now I am spending some time trying to conquer another step in web designing...

Aha! And the title of this post… Well it is very usual if you are travel by Bus on route 764 in the evening at about 7-8PM. I was one of the unfortunate ones to be traveling on the same route while returning from Karan’s house. I was at the IIT Gate bus stop waiting for a 764. I had to leave the first bus cause it was so crowded. But since I did not want to wait, I took the next one which was equally crowded if not more. Initially I was hanging out of the rear door and slowly people crawled in. For some time I traveled on the foot board and soon I had to go inside the bus since the conductor keeps pestering you to clear the doorway. He keeps pushing and shouting at you to go inside (As if the bus is of infinite dimension) and eventually you have to. Every thing seemed so normal inside…. About 5 passengers every square foot. You can’t move, no need to hold anything to support yourself. You are like a pin of a plug fitted into the socket. It reminded me of the FIITJEE days, when I used to travel by the same route. We went past a big digital signboard showing 17 ºC and I could feel droplets of sweat rolling down my neck….

Hopefully I shall not remain unpunctual for long.....